I love this time of year, not so much as because of the festival itself, but generally everyone is home for the holidays so it makes it all the more meaningful. i was back from another manila trip a week and a half ago and have been spending time catching up with family and friends.

some of the prayer items i helped my mom put on the table for prayer last night

i also had a v long chat with my mummy a few nights ago, and i really feel like for now at least, things are starting to look up for us as a family. times have been very difficult for the past 5 or 6 years for my papa but the important thing is to realize what you have, and not what you have lost.

after chatting with my dad yesterday he told me just how much he has lost financially, which shocked me to the core. and how well off we could have been now. but then again, there are tons of others in the same boat, and it's really how you overcome it right? at least that's what i told him.

oh and seeing that i've never taken a proper picture with my curly hair since my visit to the korean hair salon, here i am.

of course, the other 59 days i have lived with this hair is me with tangles, me with flat curly hair, me with weird shaped curly hair, and that day was one of the rare days that it behaved and i looked hot. HA!

and i just needed an excuse to pose it up

happy cny kids

Am back from  Bkk almost two weeks now. I had a lot of fun and uploaded a whole commentary with pics on facebook so i am really really lazy to blog about it.

But this is a really really good snapshot of us during the trip there.

I had a lot of fun and I really want to go again next year!!!

I also had a good time yesterday with almost a cny-type of reunion. Hoey is back from Aussie with Trent and there was a impromtu and sudden mini reunion at my house and all of us girls were hanging out playing Monopoly Deal, eating bakuteh at night, being girly in my room, and shisha later at night.

I likey.

And our families did not scare Trent off. I think. Ahahah!

I hope to go Melaka this weekend with them but me thinks mom will throw a fit at me if i do

it's a hard life to lead. when you have such a great burden upon your shoulders, when things do not turn out the way that you have expected, when you have lost everything monetarily. how can you stand back up again? when you don't read much and quotes are meaningless, then who do you turn to? when you are unable to speak out for yourself, then who do you talk to?

i try to support us but i can't do as good a job as you did.

i don't earn much money, all i can give you is a meager sum every month. that is barely enough to feed you for a week straight.

i am afraid to be with you alone sometimes, because i don't like what i hear and see. because sometimes you talk about death and sickness and with such a resigned tone that it scares me and my blood goes cold and i wish you could just stop.

but i know that i can't turn away either.

i wish i was that little bit more successful. and hardworking and ambitious.

i want you to be able to be proud of yourself again.

i wish i could speak to you normally without a tear at the back of my eye.

i wish i could stop worrying about you, about your health.

i wish that i am capable of taking care of us like you do so well daddy.

these were cards from my loves overseas.

I hope the writing cannot be made out because i did not ask permission from my friends to put it up! I loved the messy scrawl of my friend, eunice, and the hastily written post it notes. I found that to be quite endearing.

the sunflower and the back card was from my cousin in the uk. i could hear her voice out loud when i read the card, and it made me smile, because both cards were very unexpected. so to find them in my mail was a bit exciting.

i think receiving cards is one of my most favourite things in the world.

that, and posting cards too.

so in the past few weeks, i had so much fun i forgot to breathe.

lazy lunches, fire crackers, gim-rummy tiles, wine, long lost friends, missing cousins reunited, lots of red packets (i know i know i'm too old for this but YAY), momentary joy at home, and running about all over the city with gloriously empty streets.

it's all going to end soon, and i'm really sad about it.

i also know it's time to shape up and get back to business but i really dont want to

also having increasingly self doubts about a lot of things that i feel that isn't really worth mentioning to anyone because it sounds so trivial and miniscule. things about careers, and family and differing personalities. all very very frustrating.  i don't update that often anymore because i don't want to cause anymore scenes or fights with emotionally blackmailing posts and frankly, when i'm too busy having fun then there is no time to update.

but you know what, at the very least i still have time to upload our photos though.