i've been absolutely spoilt rotten since i (followed) was shipped by czeeyong down to his hometown. since i've been here, it's been a never-ending journey of food, and more food. i think my waistline has expanded by several inches. even though i hate to admit it, i think czeeyong has won the challenge of proving to me that JB indeed has great food. everything is different here, from their deliciously saltier wantan mee, to their herby bak kut teh. it's not that KL does not have good food, both do, just different.

we made a day trip to singapore by car on sunday, and made the effort to go on a food trail, in a bid to hunt down nice hawker food in the red dot. it was not impossible, and contrary to assumptions that they have bland, tasteless hawker food, some of it indeed taste pretty good. i had my yummy max brenner chocolate again after two years of not tasting their waffles. czeeyong mentioned that it was the only waffles he thought was delicious. OM OM OM.

pictures to come after i have edited them. it takes a little bit of an effort now that i don't have a mouse with me.

i was thinking, maybe if they were friends, then he would think that spending time talking to her wouldn't be a waste of his time.

maybe if they were friends, he would want to see her more often.

maybe if they were friends, he would be waiting excitedly for weekends to see her.

because after all times have changed.

now it just feels like a chore to juggle and divide between responsibility and personal time which he has been craving.

she doesn't understand, that you cannot force people to do things that they do not want to do. but he doesn't understand that the fact that he "does not want to do" those things are hurting her deeply, inside out.

it's just another day,

another time.

another phone call.

another weekend.

when is he ever going to be free from these horrible obligations?

i think that this is a matter which i should not keep a secret, because in doing so, i would have enabled many other women to fall into the same situation as i have been.

sexual harassment in the workplace, was more common than i thought it would be. i actually thought it was not that common an occurence until it happened much closer to home.

my boss is a selfish, disgusting vile jerk that deserves a tight slap and getting hauled off to jail. but he will be getting away with it because his employees need the money, have the burden of feeding families, the fear of going out and not being able to find another job, et cetera.

i haven't been violated...yet. but honestly, what kind of a boss puts his hand on your arm two days after knowing you? and barely a week later, a pat on the head. and then asks for your number.t i feel that at any time, my safety is at stake, and if i do not get out now, sooner or later, i will end up in a situation where i will regret till the day i die. i do not want to be such a person. the things he say to other female colleagues, and his actions, spells a lawsuit. and get this, he is a lawyer. the irony.

(this is probably where i discovered a little bit of a feminist streak in me. no i am not going to be running off and burning  bras anytime soon).

i am quitting tomorrow, and there is a weight lifted off my shoulders because i know that i do not have to work for such a disgusting animal anymore. i haven't decided whether or not to tell him the reason of my leaving. somehow, the thought of saying "because i do not respect you and i think you are disgusting" seems very satisfactory to me, but the fear that this might harm my safety pushes at my thoughts.

if you want to know where i work for just email me. lol. especially if you are a girl.

i come from a place where i do not have to worry much about money, where i can do whatever my heart chooses, as long as I feel that it is within my capabilities and my parent's capabilities, nothing is out of reach.

despite the fact that my parents aren't too well off financially anymore, and we finally have to get our family's finances in order, it isn't a situation where I have the burden of supporting an entire family with a meager salary.

but i do understand other people's point of view.

sometimes i do not know what is it that some people envy. just what is it that makes certain people so spiteful, so full of gossip, so outrageous.

i would say that i am lucky, because my parents have taught me the value of money, but they have also taught me that money, while important, and can buy you a lot of things, and that it is a measure of wealth, it isn't that big of a deal. it isn't something to envy if other people have more of it. it is something that they have earned from their living, from their jobs, through working hard, or simply because they got lucky. it isn't something to be compared to, because money is money. Money can be lost, money can break families, money is just a means to buying nicer things.

and just because you have nicer things in life does not make you better than anyone else.

this i fully know.

whatever i had, whatever i have, however big my house is, has nothing to do with me.

it is through the blood,sweat, and tears of my father.

there is nothing to be proud of, except that of my father's labour. on my part, there is nothing to be proud of. i haven't been earning a million dollars to earn this lifestyle. i haven't been working hard.

so to be envious of such a pitiful thing, is quite a sad thing to harbour feelings for.

because i have achieved nothing.

have you ever been in a situation where you feel you've gave it your best, you gave in to your instincts, but they've fucked you over, repeatedly, and you're back where you are, again, where you swore you will never be?

did you ever promise yourself you'd try to be the person you never were, but maybe, just maybe, that person is hidden in you, and this will be the time to show that out? but then you find yourself reverting back to that same sad person anyway.

i am lost. i don't know what i'll do in the future. i don't know where i'll go from here.

i don't know if what i'm doing is right. and whether or not i have enough grit and stubborn in me to at least wait out a year. cos' the idea grew and grew in my head that I HAVE TO GET OUT NOW I HAVE TO QUIT.NOW.

i can't be the person that i want to be if where i am standing is currently a sea of unhappy. i can't pretend that i'm doing a meaningful thing if day in and day out i keep thinking that this is so stupid omygod why do people put up with this. i can't work for a person whom i disrespect to the very core of my body.

i keep trying to talk my mind out of these thoughts, and they keep barging in.