hello from the depths of the world. before this corner of mine dies, i think it deserves a proper goodbye though it was neither treated with the writer's hand it deserves, nor filled the improper muses and thoughts that passes through the mind on a daily basis. as i turn a year closer (to dying), i feel neither older nor wiser. it was never my goal to grow up. even as a child, i would beg my parents to not grow up because i would hate to grow old and die. and here i am, awkward, resembling happy, and 25. i think it all has to do with time. it's limited, it's fleeting, and there is never enough to do the things you want. every year feels like a transition to me to something else. what exactly i have yet to know. perhaps the right word to pick would be "lost" but that would be so cliche. i have observed how in the past months how friendship has come to be, how people keep in touch and how people drift away. i think it's normal, but then again, i have never aquainted well with change. i hate to reminisce but these days i find myself doing so, so often. when had the edges start to fray without my notice?

I guess it's that time of year to reflect again. In a blink of an eye, it's already 2012.

It has been a good year salary wise, but I am getting bored of my job, which is always a bad thing.

Traveled to many different places this year, Philippines (urgh), Bangkok, Phuket, Melbourne, and closer to home, Sabah & Singapore.

Realised that as I left my life behind in 2008, a lot of things have changed. Life goes on.

Kept my relationship going strong. As time goes by, I grew to understand my other half more and more and more. And although there are bound to be ups and downs, I can only wish it's up from here .

Found a new part time job that I actually love more than my full time job ;D

This year I'm contemplating:

Travelling to further places.

Moving to Singapore for work.

And my wish for every year is the same: to be less spiteful, kinder to others and to be happy

alas, this blog will be put to sleep in a few months ( i think around april when it's time to renew fees for the domain). i have decided not to renew it because the interest to blog now only peaks when :

1) i have a disagreement with czeeyong and need a childish way to get his attention

2) feeling perpetually emo about something which i can't really express to anyone but myself (which is rare, but it happens)

happier moments far outweigh these, but which is why i don't blog so much anymore. only blogging when you're a) sad or b)unhappy kind of makes people think that you're perpetually unhappy. heh heh. which is really not the case.

i also want to make a more useful website , with the help of czeeyong, so i have been working on it for the past few weeks.

lately i've come to wonder many times, after many incidences, what have i done to deserve someone as wonderful as czeeyong. i find myself quietly grateful but unable to show it, and letting myself accept it ungraciously, his kindness and unselfishness.

i also think that with the year petering out, i want to do more kind and generous things for people.

get more fit.

keep in touch with people whom i might not necessarily hang out with on a weekly basis.

accept certain things in the past that will never come to be.

do more.

see more.

not overthink.

truer words have never been spoken when he said "your real friends will never leave you so you don't have to constantly worry about them being taken away"

make more effort to better myself because i am turning old soon.

write more. seriously this  has been an unfulfilled resolution since high school or something it's SO ANNOYING that i can't hold my attention span long enough to come up with something remotely readable.

make peace with tiggr being gone and possibly getting a new dog- mom and dad need a companion to keep them from being lonely so short of having a new baby (ha! HA!), a dog is the best option. dad is open to having a lab or a golden, but we are hoping to adopt rather than buy.

ok it's 4 and i've slept enough for the weekend but tomorrow's work so back to work!

they say all dogs go to heaven.
:>
finding it hard to say anything but
hope you had a good life buddy.

love you.

this time i got to say good bye,

kissed you the night before you left so you know i love you.

even though i said please get better dear boy

i had a feeling.

have fun with lady up there.

love and light always
me.

from time to time, i wake up, look around me, and go huh? what am i doing?

i have come to realize... attachments are troubling.

i have sort of come to realize, why buddhist monks are required not to be attached to any living thing.

when a person worries so much about trying to live up to someone's expectations.

trying to relieve the past that can never be.

trying to mend a severed friendship.

of past confessions that can never be untied.

of happier times.

of maintaining current bonds.

it all seems a bit tiring, isn't it.

wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone was equally as unaffected as the next person around him?