grateful

the only thing i have left inside of me is simply, i feel both humbled and grateful. i never had the opportunity to be around people who really have the spirit and ideas as well as belief that they can really change the mindset of this country until tonight. i know that a lot of people would wave this away and say that how can one person change the county? it's simply and utter bullshit. but i do think that our nation needs more people like that. and tonight was a testament of better things to come if only every single person has the same belief and values. i never felt more at home discussing the merits of our country's education, and talented individuals sharing their experiences of what it is like to be a part of a bigger system, volunteering their services for an NGO, or towards simpler goals such as enabling underprivileged children to be able to read. I feel that this are the things that I would want to have the spirit for (if only I wasn't so flaky). Sometimes I think that success isn't measured by how much money you can make, but rather how much of a difference you can make.

Then came the doubts. Why in the heck was I invited to this session when I barely contributed anything? I do not have anything to offer, and often times I felt inadequate. But I suppose when the spirit is there, nothing else matters. When someone asked me what are my career plans, I told her of a ridiculous dream. That I possibly would love to volunteer for an environmental NGO if given the choice and in the long run, work towards a researching path, and hopefully I'll be able to be in an enabler role, be that a lecturer or a full time employee of a NGO. I suppose my terms of success is how much of a difference would I be able to make in people's lives or the environment. (Although I still want to eat good food!!!)

It's not something which I found realistic, at first. But now I do feel a little bit of conviction. A friend called today, informing me of a position which could very well steer me towards that dream. I am super grateful to her, and to many of my other friends who have both opened doors and offered valuable advice for me as a fresh graduate with practically zero knowledge save for the few measly weeks in a lab albeit with an exceptional researcher.

i also do acknowledge that i have a great interviewing coach in the form of czeeyong. i do know that without his help, i would have probably bombed all my interviews. and we may have a huge set of disagreements when it comes to many things in life, but i do know that i hold his opinions in high regard, and follow up on his many advices.

here's hoping to a more optimistic looking future!