i’m unhappy

have you ever been in a situation where you feel you've gave it your best, you gave in to your instincts, but they've fucked you over, repeatedly, and you're back where you are, again, where you swore you will never be?

did you ever promise yourself you'd try to be the person you never were, but maybe, just maybe, that person is hidden in you, and this will be the time to show that out? but then you find yourself reverting back to that same sad person anyway.

i am lost. i don't know what i'll do in the future. i don't know where i'll go from here.

i don't know if what i'm doing is right. and whether or not i have enough grit and stubborn in me to at least wait out a year. cos' the idea grew and grew in my head that I HAVE TO GET OUT NOW I HAVE TO QUIT.NOW.

i can't be the person that i want to be if where i am standing is currently a sea of unhappy. i can't pretend that i'm doing a meaningful thing if day in and day out i keep thinking that this is so stupid omygod why do people put up with this. i can't work for a person whom i disrespect to the very core of my body.

i keep trying to talk my mind out of these thoughts, and they keep barging in.