Still bothered

i have been writing a number of stories, in the past, in a couple of established websites with very good reviews from a number of people . Not all had good reviews but one or two had more than the average amount of comments. In terms of the internet, that is a pretty good statistic for me. I had loads of fun in the past, uninhibited, with tons of free time at my feet and a bevy of authors who were always kind enough to give loads of feedback and share stories and ideas. It's been a long time since I've done any of that since I started uni. I think the last story I wrote was in 2007.

Do I talk about it? Not really.

Do I need to? Not really.

But I do feel the constant need to justify myself to naysayers.

I guess people have a right to say that I'm not working towards my dream because it seems that I did not put any effort into it.

Believe me, more than you know, there are things that I really don't share simply because I'm not good enough yet. There are tons of people out there better than me, I make grammatical mistakes now and again, and an incomplete piece of work will always be an incomplete piece of work.

If only.

PROOF:

if only my loved ones would believe enough in me when i tell them.

i think it has come to the stagnant point where I am so disappointed with myself, to the extent where I wonder why do I constantly have to answer this question "Why am I not good enough?" when I think that sometimes it's just enough being me, but other times, it's not.

Why is praise so hard to earn from you?

Why must people be so god-damned cynical? Why must everything, every comment, every observation come with a sneer that the other person's work is just so lousy? Why can't you just call a spade a spade?

Why must people put down one person just to push another person up? Why can't people just accept the fact that sometimes there are two people compatibly good and one doesn't have to be better than the other? As an example, when commenting about this company X. Instantly, a friend has to start dissing that company just because they happen to be successful. If they are that lousy, then they wouldn't be so good would they? Clearly, they must have had done something right. Of course, marketing gimmicks and such would also contribute to company X's popularity but do you really have to tear them apart?

I know the world is not that simple, and that everyone else is constantly looking to trip you over. So it's practice now so that in future, when you go to work, you can fend for yourself.

I really really really wouldn't want to work for a company like that.

And yes, yes, I know, every company is like that. but I really don't want to be a cynic and say that because stop it. YOU are destroying my dreams, not anyone else. Just give me that one ounce of optimism would you? Please.

Upset in general,

Dreamer.